Kiss of Contradictions
by Isolde88
Summary: My take on James' death.


This is my take on Norrington's death scene.

"What are you doing?" I asked as my crew pressed through the open door. James looked at me with a light in his eyes I hadn't seen since before I left him. A spark of life coming back. I didn't care. He was a traitor.

"Choosing a side." Was all he said then held the door wider. I was confused and that made me more upset with him than I was before. Following my crew up the stairs I could hear him directly behind me. I was so angry with him, and I couldn't quite figure why. As the ragged men began shimmying across the rope James stood as watch, tense with worry, urgency, and excitement. I studied him, looking over the man I grew up thinking I knew. There was something there I hadn't seen, or refused to see since before my debut. A dangerous, impulsive, and exciting side to James. The very things I rejected him for not having. I wanted adventure and wonder. James always meant security and quiet care to me. I had forgotten all the times we had gotten into trouble when I was a child. James looked around at me and I was surprised to see a multitude of contradictions in his eyes. Fear, excitement, shame, and pride. And love. Always love. He tried to hide it, and perhaps he was successful partially when he was the bitter drunkard on Jack's crew. But it was always there. His love and devotion to me. It was eternally frustrating.

"Do not go to shipwreck cove." He spoke with urgency and strength. "Beckett knows you're meeting with the brethren, I fear there may be a traitor among them."

"It's too late to earn my forgiveness" I spat, clinging to my bitter anger. Why did he still love me? Why did he continue to ruin his life for me? I gripped the rope near me in frustration and anger. I had done nothing to invite such feelings. I'd betrayed him, humiliated him, hurt him in so many ways. James was a friend, a dear friend. We'd been so close for most of my life. No one knew me like James did and I knew him better than anyone else. Since my debut I had always known he deserved someone amazing. But I could see the illogical affection growing in his eyes each day. That was why I'd pushed away all my silly notions about him and me from my childhood. I was not to the standard of such a fine man, he shouldn't be with me and he should have known that. I searched for fault in him, to distance myself from him. The ruin of our friendship fell solely on my shoulders. But I blamed him for making me push him away. He shouldn't have been so stupid.

James drew closer to me as if the matter were the most important thing in the world. "I had nothing to do with your father's death." He looked away and swallowed. "But that doesn't absolve me of my other sins."

Suddenly in my eyes he turned into the young lieutenant I knew long ago asking for my forgiveness after missing a set time to meet for some silly party. It hadn't been his fault, duty had called. I was upset though and didn't forgive him as he asked. It was cruel and he had left later that night with a sorrowful look still upon his face. The vision melted into the present and I saw James, MY James in pain, in danger before me.

"Come with us." The words were out of my mouth before I'd thought about it. James looked up at me in surprise. I locked eyes with him and suddenly knew I needed him to come, to be safe, to help me like he used to do. I needed my James. "James, come with me." I pleaded.

"Who goes there?" A loud call came from above. James pushed me behind him protectively with a renewed sense of urgency.

"Go. I will follow." James watched for the sailor slowly approaching us from the stairs.

He'd rarely ever lied to me except when he felt he had no choice and I instantly could tell the difference again. I looked at him and knew, he didn't mean to survive. He knew he wouldn't live after helping us. They wouldn't let him. And he would let them destroy him. "You're lying!" I said in shock and anger.

James turned to me with the sweetest sadness in his eyes. "Our destinies have been entwined Elizabeth, but never joined." I stared into his eyes, not comprehending what was happening. James looked at me, then something flashed in his eyes and suddenly him mouth was on mine.

It was both frantic and soft. Passion filled and gentle. It was a kiss of contradictions, like the man giving it to me. It was a kiss to make up for a lifetime of kisses that were lost. There was too much in that moment and I felt I would burst from it all.

He pulled away and turned back to the approaching sailor. I instantly ached at the loss of his lips. "Go, now." He spoke with confidant authority, but I could hear the longing in his voice. He wanted to come, to follow me, but he didn't look back.

I stared at the back of his head and fought down whatever was trying to rip its way out of my chest. It hurt in a way I'd never experienced before. But a captain does not show weakness in front of her crew. And James was determined; there was nothing to change his mind. Grabbing the rope, I quickly started my way across. Behind me I could hear James trying to hold Bootstrap back. They were arguing after a fashion, but bootstrap was clearly not all there, not realizing what was happening beyond the escape.

"All HANDS! PRISONER ESCAPE!" He shouted. I looked back, and saw James pull his gun and point it as well at Bootstrap.

"Belay that!" James shouted. Bootstrap moved towards James and in a panic I foolishly screamed out his name.

James turned around and looked at me. His eyes full of regret and longing, he shot the rope, separating it from the Dutchman. Shocked and scared I screamed, hitting the cold water below. The sting took my breath away, but I quickly looked back up to see how my savior was fairing.

James was sprawled against the railing, a long piece of wood sticking through him. I screamed, crying out, not believing what I was seeing.

Frantic, but knowing I could do nothing I cried as turned and swam to my ship. The water hid my tears as I was hoisted up onto my deck. I left my crew with short and biting instructions than locked myself into my cabin.

Then I let the wrenching sobs go. The loss of James was very acute. I knew he could not survive the situation I left him in. He was already dead. And there was nothing to stop the pain. I knew he was my best friend, the very best man in my life. I struggled to keep the monster in my chest from making the pain any worse, but it would not be stopped. With a gasp it burst into fruitation and my mind was suddenly flooded with thoughts I never allowed myself to think, things that had only stirred at the back of my mind. James was the very best man in my life, yes. And he was the one who meant the most to me. And now he was dead. I had abused and lost the man who had shown me what love was. What we could have been. And never would be.


End file.
